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On Jude Law, the Universe, and Nationals


“How many things can go wrong if you’re sitting in bed watching Jude Law in The Holiday?”

“So true!”

Wait… what? Who is that?

I’m usually the one hankering to climb Pike’s Peak after a weekend of ProXCT racing. The one driving 5 hours after a CX World Cup to a quaint B&B I found on the Internet in the Netherlands. The one who has her best race of the year after driving 4 hours over a snowy mountain pass in Bend to arrive at 2:30am the day of the race.

But the truth is, this past two-week trip to Belgium, I never made it Luxembourg, the one sight on my list I hadn’t yet seen in my Euro CX travels. Heck, I never even made it to Cafe Matagalpa 1.5k down the road.

I didn’t take a single artsy travel photo.

It would be possible to launch into a long explanation of travel woes here, and easily justify taking it easy to preserve energy for the 2 World Cups, Superprestige, and Bpost races. In the past it would simply be intuitive to weave 24 hours of travel, lost bikes, two midnight calls to the police, and hosts getting the stomach flu into an exciting tale to tell friends and family. That’s just travel. But this trip, even simple decisions left me frozen.

For example, after retrieving my lost bikes from the airport, should I make the 1.5 hour drive to the pre-ride in Namur that afternoon and back, or go back to Oudenaarde to build my bikes in my mechanic’s shop in Oudenaarde and keep it simple? I weighed the pros of each option, and still doubted my judgment!

How had something that makes me so happy turned to something that caused such distress?

I recently posted:


At the same time that racing is a source of joy, as an athlete, things fall apart when I don’t perform well. And by things, I mean life, meaning, the journey, all of the weighty things that linger like dormant volcanos in the soul. A string of poor races doesn’t just shake my confidence as a cyclist, it ignites all the weak spots I have as a human being too.

However, all these “issues” fall back into place with a good race or two and this led me to believe that something that can make me this happy, that can so magically align all of the stars for me, would